On October 5 of this year I was called out of my first period biology class to the library. I got pretty nervous because it’s rare I get called somewhere during the school day, unless I get checked out. I made my way to the media center and I was pleasantly informed that I had been nominated for the Governor’s Honors Program in the area of fine arts.
While this was exciting news, I also felt a sudden wave of pressure and anxiety. I had an interview coming up in a couple weeks and I needed to prepare myself for the possible questions I could face and also for the area specific aspect. For me, that would mean having artwork ready to show.
The first task I was faced with was my application. I was foolish to believe it wouldn’t take too much time. I ended up taking a couple hours answering all of the questions to the best of my ability and put all of my worries behind me. However, that was until the night before the interview. I prepared all of my artwork as well as my outfit for the next day. I was left to wonder how important visual appearance is in such a process.
My thoughts may be swayed due to the nature of my interview area, but I feel as though my ability to criticize the focus on visuals is still valid. How does a fancy dress prove that I am a valuable artist? I’ve come to understand that dressing “professionally” is important, but I think it may be too important as of now.
As it goes for my art, most of my worries came from the way my art looked. I felt humiliated and low because I was self aware. I knew my art wasn’t objectively “good”. This was hard because of the fact that I knew there was a good chance I wouldn’t move forward because of the way my art looked, despite how passionate I am about the area.
After the interview I beat myself down. I told myself that there was no chance I could move forward. I told myself I should’ve been more talented. I told myself that I failed, but I didn’t.
On November 11, I was once again called out of class. Despite the fact that I had a hunch about what I would be told, I was extremely nervous. I sat down in the library and played with my fingers while listening to the counselor. My stomach flipped when she informed the group that she would be announcing who went through. I was preparing to be humiliated. I felt like the entire group would notice that I didn’t advance and I was mentally shaking my head at the thought of the walk of shame I would have to take. My stomach flipped again when she announced my name as one of the top ten.
Since that day I’ve been filled with gratitude for the judges, and I’ve also been to ponder about all of the different aspects of the interview. I’m still pleased that the judges saw something in me (even if I still don’t know what that something is). I’m hoping they saw my dedication to art and my excitement surrounding it.
Maybe I’m really underestimating the value of my art. Maybe I’m being too critical of society. Maybe the other nominees really struggled. I don’t know. All I know is that my view of the interview process has changed. I also feel as though I’ve gained some skill in speaking.
I’m nervous about the rest of the process that is coming up, but I hope to continue to grow and learn.
SOME OF THE ART I USED
The Cons of Writing 